Harry Bezalel R.

He is doing much better.

He may look like a big cat, but that's just an optical illusion produced by framing; he's a delicate little feather, and so sweet and gentle its off putting. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a misbehaving bone in his little body - he even scratches his claws on a carpet remnant. I didn't train him, he seems to know. He is really a peculiar little kitten and I think he doesn't feel up to par what with being neutered and catching a nasty virus all in a matter of days. He displays no interest in the outside world, which is strange since his world was outside until the authorities trapped him. They say he was a stray - does that mean feral? He's so trusting that when he plays hard with balls and newspaper he'll cover his claws completely to protect my hands while they're molesting his little underbelly. Silly little kitten loves being dangled under his two front arms and then letting himself pass into a comatose state; I clocked him at 45 minutes - dangling in a misty eyed coma, purring. He doesn't meow. His mouth opens and a rush of air, a meow in training comes poking outside his mouth. There's Maine Coon in that thar boy so's that explains his quiet, deeply gentle nature. I was used to my big, vocal drama queen; he used to camp outside my bathroom door, yowling and mewling sounds of peril and unrest - disturbing. The moment I opened the bathroom door, however, the darkness and oppression lifted, producing an almost snickering Maui, giggling and cooing. Smart puss. Super smart puss. He had me pussy whipped - for 10 years (and forever). The stories I could tell about Nuzzler. In fact I've started writing a small, short book about our adventures. And I've been given an old 50s sewing machine that I plan on using to make clothes and scarves for myself. I am beyond fed up with finding nothing I like and being asked to pay hundreds of dollars for things I can only tolerate. Look out all you Gypsy Botiques, move over.

So anyway, meet Harry Bezalel R., Maine Coon/tabby mix, 5 months old, weighs 4.5 lbs, doesn't talk much with his vocal cords. His vet says Harry will be at least 12 lbs. Mm. A nice big tom cat - just what the doctor ordered - purrfection. I also have been craving the presence of a medium sized dog. Or a Chihuahua. Most any loving dog will do. Never been a dog lover particularly until now. I feel drawn toward dogs the past several months.

I have a very debilitating condition called adhesive capsulitis. My 'case', I'm told, is an 10 on the 10 scale. My eyes are far too burdened by need of sleep to expound on what I have learned about this painful plight. It's considered a disorder - an injury. But by those of us who have it (particularily badly) we consider it a curse; if not - it certainly feels that way. Honestly, most people have no clue what causes it because its etiology is idiopathic! Lovely. It can be spontaneous or precipitated by a small injury, but a full blown case of this nasty plight can and will dehbilitate the strongest link in a chain - it is no respector of persons, thus it found me a perfect host.

Drugs don't work for me. I hate drugs, well except for my beloved Ambien. Take drugs for one thing then be prepared to address the nasty side effects with yet another drug - where does it ever end! I'll tell you where. Here. Now. I'm, as they say in physiotherapy circles: going cold turkey. The worst part isn't really the pain so much as it is the anxiety over potential pain. Yes it hurts like a you know what, and there are days I'd kill to have a nice fat pill to cool it down but the price being taken from my stomach lining went up. Fuck this. I'm off all forms of nicotine, off coffee, reading good books, including the bible, and taking things one day at a time. Finally found a Dr. I feel can actually help me heal myself. The first thing I'm going to do when I can raise my arms over my head is go down to Mexico and help build an orphanage. I can think of no sweeter memory than those of my youth. Those were magic days and nights, and I long again for the fellowship that building something common for others' brings - there are few sweeter memories alive in me. If I'm to recover fully then it will happen on a dirt road someplace, when I least expect it, right in the middle of relinquished self and joyous abandon.

I will be free of this. I'm comin' back, full force and ready to shred. Life ain't gonna level me or deal me out. I'm God's child; ain't none of that shit!

I do believe my Ambien's kicking in.